The reason I talked about Vegas because that’s all i’ve been hearing. You liked what that person did and blah blah cause you didn’t do anything about it. Now that that’s over let’s move on. I honestly don’t remember all of that with your cousin. As far as I knew, he thought your cousin was cute and tried to flirt with her, I didn’t know there was anything serious going on. From what I remember the first time you mentioned this person to me was when the whole shit went down with what our best friend told us about a certain someone that you had feelings for and he said it wasn’t true, this was like a month before school started. That’s the first time I ever heard about him. And yes you did tell me and protected me from all that. I agree I fucked up. To be honest, i’ve heard it from many people, every guy is a man whore when he’s single and some guys just don’t care if people find out. The reason I didn’t tell you, I was scared of your reaction. I didn’t know how you would take it. So I was going to slowly start to tell you and that day was the start. Even you’ve kept things to yourself because you were scared of how someone would react and I did the same thing. I didn’t know if what I was doing was right or wrong. But I was scared to ask and tell you but eventually I was going to so I started that day. You were suppose to be the first one to find out not anyone else. I told you how I felt about the person and that person was going to tell you too. The only people who were suppose to know were you and the other two people I trust. We were going to tell you guys in different ways and that day our friend was there with us and he wanted to mess with her head and eventually tell her about it all but it was a fail because it was unexpected and she freaked out. I didn’t want to do it, I wanted you to know first but it happened. And in order to prove that we weren’t lying and messing with her head she told me if I really like him I would kiss him right now and that was the only way to prove it. I didn’t want to do it but I did to prove it to her. Yes it was completely wrong but I wasn’t thinking. I do stupid shit when im put in a situation where I don’t know what to do. I didn’t kiss him to offend anyone but to simply prove we weren’t playing around. My intention wasn’t even to hurt you, I didn’t know that he had hurt your cousin, like I said I was unaware until now. I’m not proud of what I did. And as far as it concerns him now after everything thats been said and found out, it’s not the same. I know hes not a good guy but thats cause hes never felt the need to be “good”. That’s just him, im not going to justify him but I am for why I liked him. I saw a different side of him that I hadn’t seen before and I guess I was stupid enough to like that side. But now I doubt everything between me and him and im holding off on it. If anything he needs to prove himself now. Yes you’ve known him longer and know way more about him than I do and I agree, there’s a reason you were protecting me from him. I did’t mean to hurt you in anyway but I guess I did and I’m very sorry for that. I wouldn’t even hurt you intentionally ever cause you mean that much to me. For me, your not someone worth losing over someone I just met. Your one person that i’ve never wanted to loose. It saddens me to know that you can’t even talk to me about all this and we have to communicate in such a way. But whatever makes you comfortable I guess. Had I known this would hurt you so much I would’ve never done it but my reason for not telling you was because I was scared of your reaction.
I hate all this. It’s so stupid and retarded. All it’s causing is misunderstandings and problems. We all make mistakes. If I could, I would take it back. Kill me for kissing the “wrong fucking guy”. I’m a slut because I kissed one guy. It’s sad if when people can’t even understand you. An incident in Vegas happened where i’m being blamed. I’m sitting in the same spot for about an hour because I don’t know what else to do. He’s sitting next to me giving me excuses of why i should drink alcohol. I keep denying them and stick to not drinking. We ask him to sing a song and he does and holds my hand. I find ways to take my hands away from him putting them in between my legs and stuff. He grabs them again. I don’t want to make a big deal so i just keep taking my hands away. I look over to you and you’re just there laughing at me thinking im “liking” it. You don’t see me taking my hands away. He tells me something in my ear and I refuse, I come over to you and tell you not to let me go and you listen. As we’re leaving he gives everyone a hug. Just like everyone I gave him a hug too and he unexpectedly kisses my hair thats on my neck. I move away. I didn’t know he was going to do so, so once he did i moved away from him. We get out the elevator and for someone reason we say bye again and this time he tries to kiss me on the lips. I move my head away from him and look at my other friend with a what the fuck face and walk away. You don’t see that, apparently “i liked it”. If I really liked it, why would I move my face so he doesn’t kiss me, wouldn’t i do the exact opposite and let him kiss me? I’ve never been in that position before so I didn’t know what to do at the moment. We discussed this as soon as we left from there and you taught me something. Yet you still say I liked whatever happened when we clearly discussed I didn’t know what to do which is why I acted the way I did. Sad that you still say I liked it, i thought you understood me. Putting that aside, I never told you anything? If there was anyone who knew the most about me, it was you. If you didn’t know, then no one else did. You claim i never told you when I liked a certain someone. I did, you were the first one to know I thought that person was cute. The day we both saw him, I told you I thought he was cute. My hall mate randomly saw you one day and said she knew who I liked and said that person’s name. You were mad that you didn’t know, but you did. She said I liked them, to be honest you can only like someone if you know them or talk to them, I didn’t talk to that person. Cause I thought he was cute my friend said I had a crush or liked that person. Moving on, you say I’m desperate because I automatically like someone who gives me attention. If that was true, I’d like like dozens of people. I’ve legitly liked two people and you say i’ve liked almost everyone. There’s a difference between thinking someones cute and actually liking them. You say I let that incident in vegas happen and I liked it and that makes me desperate. Sad you don’t understand me and didn’t see that I didn’t like it. There’s soo much more I can say but you just don’t want to listen. You also say Best friends always tell each other everything. It’s one thing if I didn’t tell you something and I told someone but I didn’t. If there’s anyone who knows the most about me its YOU! But you fail to see that I don’t know why. Rather then talking to other people and creating misunderstandings I’d rather have you talk to me. If you can have others talk to me, you yourself can talk to me. I’m a bitch for talking to the guy who screwed someone you loved over. You’re my best friend but I didn’t even know about that person getting screwed over, you never told me anything about it, then how do you expect me to know? I thought best friends told each other everything… This is just half of my rant. And I hope you read this as well.
